He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
