so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
