My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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