Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
