So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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