I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
