Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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