Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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