hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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