Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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