Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
