You're my little dorito
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
