Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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