Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
