Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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