Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
