Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
