yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize