I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
