You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
