he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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