Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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