I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
