she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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