just tell him i said nine months
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
