Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
