this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
