Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
