i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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