Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
