hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
