i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
