new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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