I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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