R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
