Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
