just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
