it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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