Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So much rum. So many feels.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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