I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
