I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize