Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
