It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
