The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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