i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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