we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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