dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
