You can't special order awesome
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
