Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My ass is underappreciated
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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