I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
