Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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