Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
