Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize