i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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