how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
