Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize