I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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