My liver just broke up with me...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
